Tuesday, April 6, 2010

With A Fervor

I just found out something really twisted.  These delicious chewy bones that I have been gnawing on continuously for the last... oh….three months, are not what they seem.  No no no. (I feel faint.) I thought the smelly brown baton was some kind of flavoricious factory-manufactured particleboard chew toy, a candy cane for dogs if you will.  However, this stinky six-inch shaft that I have been sucking on with a fervor is not some kind of Slim Jim Jerky for canines, NO.  These roots, these stems, these stinky sticks that cause me to create a vicious stench of my own are actually dried up old bull penises.  What!?!  I’ve been devouring penii?  Bovine, mastodon, buffalo, bronco, bull, whatever …. One after the other? Yes I know they are called "Bully Sticks" but I’m sorry, I just didn’t make the connection.  I feel sick.  For a number of reasons.

5 comments:

  1. BC and Todd TalbottApril 6, 2010 at 6:42 PM

    Oooooooooooooooooo gross. Never again.Our four-legged children deserve only the best. We must read everything before Harbor or Gracie even sniff. After all... are they not part of our legacy? Love you and you adorable clever spirit. You two should come see us in the Hollywood Hills. The view from our corner unit on the 11th floor is fab. This is your official invitation.

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  2. oh yes. boscoe and riley love those; their brand of choice is "macho stix."

    we have also noticed the dried tracheas that our pet store carries in a tall glass jar by the checkout counter. we will not buy these. what if the dogs developed a taste for tracheas? i would forever be protecting my throat....

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  3. (though they do look as though they might have a very satisfying crunch.)

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  4. Good lord, THROAT JERKY? I can see that being useful if I ever stop calling him Bunny Rabbit and try to cultivate the Cujo side of his gene pool.

    MACHO STIX...ha ha ha funny! Can you imagine the conversation around the conference room table for the naming pow-wow? How about "Manly Munch? No no no let's try "Family Jewel Scepters? I know, we'll call them Weinie Toasts or Prick-Nic-Biskets!" Oh to be a fly on the wall...

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  5. throat jerky. excellent. but they still aren't getting any.

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