Sunday, May 2, 2010
Ok, so if you couldn't make it to my birthday dinner, you didn't hear the announcement about the winners of the drawing. Remember, if you are one of the lucky winners, you have to send your land address to my very own e-mail address HarborLifeDog@yahoo.com so The Lady can send your present. I was only supposed to select 6 winners, but when I picked the last one, two slips of paper stuck to my tongue, so we had to be fair and give away seven presents.
Here are the winners:
Carina Guinane, Dozer Dottie & Cooper, Bijntji, Darlene & Samantha, Laurie, Princess AnnieBella, and Mario da Cat.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Guess what!?! I found a whole stash of socks under the bed. There were about 15 single white socks in a basket, just sitting there! I was sooooo helpful and pulled them all out on the floor so The Lady could sort them. She is forever complaining about how there is something living in the back of the dryer that snitches socks, but that isn’t true! There is something LIVING UNDER THE BED that steals the socks.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
And here I've been thinking that I'm the only pet in this family.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Since My People can't go out much these days because of me, they are holed up at home watching the Olympics. I make it impossible to leave the house for any length of time and apparently I also make it difficult to watch an entire movie from start to finish. Movies are awfully long and tedious, don't you think? Anyhooo.... I just love the Olympics. When we are watching, I lounge around on the floor and chew something, anything I can find, preferably one of The Lady's excessively stinky shoes, and I stare at the large television set. My favorite is Shaun White because he makes $10 million dollars a year rolling around in the snow like a puppy, Lindsay Vonn is tall perfection and looks like The Lady's friend Wendy,and that little Mancuso girl with the sparkly crown is pretty cute. Bode Miller is a madman, which is what The Man calls me on a regular basis. I've heard Bode was raised by wolves, so I'm wondering if he is a relation somehow? OK, and I have to admit that even though I am a US citizen, I catch my Saint Bernard DNA cheering for Simon Ammann. He flies like a bird and wore that fetching silver coat when he first showed up at the Olympics a few years ago. But as far as that clear-eyed KGB assassin on ice skates goes, I don't like him at all. He is scary. And skinny. The competition is very exciting, and I try to participate the best I can. I can't go to Vancouver by myself so I have to use what is available in the den. If I leap between the ottoman and the sofa, twisting in the air and howling a little, I can (sorta) get the effect of a half-pipe. The stairs covered with ancient worn down carpet make a fantastic down hill run or even a ski jump, especially since I always land on heavily waxed hardwood flooring and go flying. And speaking of the slippy hardwood floor, if I get a running start around the corner, I can transform the length of the room into quite a convincing short track, as long as I don't smack into the sliding glass door. So far, no medals have materialized, but with the effort I've put into the events, I'm sure at least one is forthcoming soon. Maybe at least a little extra dinner?
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
My People cornered me in the kitchen after I'd had a delightful morning of random shoe snatching and playing keep-away with a decorative pillow. The little pillow is just lovely, made with green shantung silk and covered with teeny-tiny bells, each sewn on by the skinny eight year old hands of some unfortunate child in Calcutta. For a moment I thought perhaps I'd pushed it too far by running the pillow out into the yard and making The Lady scramble up the embankment after me to get it back. I thought it was pretty funny but she was swearing like a sailor as she dug her freshly manicured bare toes into the dirt and got tangled up under the prehistoric sized sego palm. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I'm having second thoughts. Later, when I believed it had blown over and I was in the clear, I was caught sniffling around the cupboard where they hide my snacks and treats. The Lady snuck up behind me on tippy-toes and clamped the leash to my collar. She said they had a big surprise for me and I had to come with them into the car. My heart sank into my empty stomach. What is a surprise? Does it have anything to do with Evil Steve and Wicked Wanda stir-frying me for a Saint Bernard dinner? I think I am in even bigger trouble about the pillow than I thought. It turns out, I'm not in trouble at all! (Well, maybe a little bit.) Instead of being deported, we drive only a little way down the road to an enclosed patch of dirt with a few trees and some benches. It is called a Dog Park and it is positively infested with dogs. I was so excited I almost jumped from The Lady's lap and straight through the windshield when I saw all of the different dogs. Big ones! Little ones! Barky ones! Old ones! Black ones! Brown ones! Fancy ones! Happy ones! The second we got out of the car and through the gates, I was off like a rocket, running at top speed from side to side, from dog to dog. It was the most fun I've ever had, even more fun than ice cubes or the Visitor Bell. I chased after the yellow lab, played with the big black lab, sniffed the chow chow, stepped over the little boston terrier. The only one who growled at me was the miniature pincher who was just all silliness and absolutely no real bite, and my favorite was Max the enormous doberman. Max played with me the most and it was so much fun. Every single person there said I was the cutest dog at the park and wanted to pet my fuzzy fur. Of course I let them. (You know.... I don't think I peed when I met any of the people at the dog park. How interesting...) We only stayed for about 45 minutes, but I was starting to get awfully tired and it was time to go home for my lunch. A perfect random Wednesday.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Today is Valentine’s Day, and Oliver’s birthday. I’m getting lots of extra hugs but I think it has more to do with Oliver than with me. Last year they had a party for the occasion, but this year everyone was sad and the biggest event of the day was a bath. Well actually a shower. I was trying to avoid the tub and was hoping to hide in this big glass closet on the other side of the room, hoping The Lady would forgot about giving me a bath. Instead she looked over at me in the glass closet and said, "Well, Ok. If you're game, I'm game." Then she took off all of her clothes and got in the glass closet with me, COMPLETELY NAKED. I'm not a prude or anything, but it was MOST disconcerting, especially since she spends most of her time wearing LOTS of sweaters and socks and hats owing to the chilly February weather. But that was just the beginning of the weirdness. She twisted her naked hand around a few knobs and levers on the wall and water started pouring all over me, just like it did outside when I was potty training during the monsoon. Except this time it was hot water and I didn't get to stand under a patio umbrella. The glass closet was too small to escape. Believe me I tried, but I was locked inside. If that automatic rain feature wasn't bad enough, she poured fancy designer shampoo all over me and rubbed me until I was a giant ball of suds. The shampoo is called GoochiPoochi and it is made by her friend Alan, who used to be named Keith. He is a famous hair stylist who loves dogs and thinks they should have hair as pretty as his celebrity clients. The shampoo itself was nice, but I didn't like the shower at all, especially when she used a separate hand nozzle that sprayed me at close range. Water got in my ears and made me deaf for hours. The worst was that she made me sit there in a puddle with detangler and conditioner slathered all over my fur while she shampooed her own hair and then proceeded to shave her legs. Can you believe it? I puckered up my little lips and howled as loud as I could for as long as I could, but she just laughed at me and kept remarking on how many freckles I have. It was just awful.
I'm not even going to discuss the hair dryer. I'm exhausted.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I have decided I don’t like COME anymore. They stand at the door and holler COME at me, like fifty times in a row, right when I’m doing something fun. I totally ignore them, but it is annoying to have them barking at me, the same thing, over and over. I’m sure the neighbors find it bothersome and I’ll have to see what I can do to correct it. Certainly I’ll not be encouraging COME by participating in the activity anymore, even if they do offer treats. It is a sacrifice I am willing to make in order to keep harmony in the neighborhood and help My People become more peaceful.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
I have picked out my favorite treat. Ice Cubes! They are just delicious. Currently there is a lot of frozen tuna in the freezer from The Man’s extremely successful trip to Baja Mexico so the ice cubes have a very subtle ocean flavor that only I can perceive. And most interesting is the effect they have on the inside of my mouth. First it feels cold, then if feels almost hot, then it just disappears with very little chewing. Ahh, but the chewing! Nothing, and I mean nothing, has such a satisfying crunch. Much more satisfying than crunching up a few of the smaller seashells I found in the potted plants. Even My People indulge in these treats regularly. The Man finds it very entertaining to say in a happy voice, “It’s time to make some more Dog Treats.” Everyone else thinks this is amusing too, and I can only believe that this because these particular dog treats bring such happiness to everyone. As a sidenote, I will admit there is a limit of how many of these treats one can enjoy in a session. After five or six of them, they seem to lose their effect, and I can’t even feel them in my mouth anymore, and tend to bite my own tongue. I’ll have to watch myself with this indulgence, as it might have addictive qualities and some sort of nasty overdose symptoms.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Because of starting off so terribly ill, with such nasty gastrointestinal distress, and My People suspecting I am younger than they were told (I am! I am! I am!) they set their alarms and faithfully took me outside to potty every single hour, every single night. Then they moved it to 1 hour and 15 minutes, then 1 hour and 30 minutes, and so on and so forth. Eventually it settled into a routine of The Man taking me out at midnight, The Lady taking me out sometime in the middle of the night around 4:00, and then The Man taking me for my first morning walk at 7:30. When this became the routine, I felt much better, was a few weeks older, and really didn’t like to be dragged out into the cold yard from my nice warm crate (CAGE!) right when I was hitting my REM cycle. It was bad enough that it was cold, but some sort of extreme weather monsoon had started in Los Angeles which made it particularly unpleasant. I went along with it for weeks, but I was starting to get angry. Instead of holding it in, I decided to express myself and started growling a little. It seemed to have some sort of effect, to I growled more. Eventually I got so loud I woke The Man up with my impressive vocal styling. I thought she would stop making me go outside, but she seems to think it was for my own good and persisted with the schedule. Finally, finally finally she agreed to let me sleep all night through, but the first night displayed gale force winds, sheets of pelting rain and hurricane conditions outside. I heard thunder for the first time, which was very scary, and some loud dripping noise was echoing from someplace outside that sounded like someone in high heels was walking down the hillside steps next to the bedroom door, and I imagined it was Wicked Wanda, coming to get me with Assassin and Accomplice. About 3:30 in the morning I heard a terrible roaring noise which turned out to be a violent mudslide in which most of the California hillside fell into the street. Three houses across the street have red tags and are condemned. My first night of sleeping all the way through wasn’t very successful and I spent much of the night growling and yipping and wiggling around in my house/cage. (I’m not much of a whiner.) I guess it wasn’t very nice for The Lady either, since she spent most of the night curled up on the floor outside my door in a pile of blankets and pillows so she could keep a few fingers in my fur for reassurance. We’ll do better tomorrow night.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Because I have had more shots, I can have a doggie visitor, so The Man invited Earl to come over for a play date and bring His Person, Elizabeth. Well, it wasn’t really a play date as much as it was an exercise in tolerance on the part of Earl. I LOVE Earl. He is an elderly Australian Shepherd mix (like me!) with cataracts and hip problems, and a luxurious plume of a swoopy tail. One day I hope to have a tail as beautiful as Earl’s. I was waiting for Earl on the front lawn while The Lady was cutting some camellia flowers for a bouquet. When he came around the hedge, I was so excited I couldn’t stand it and peed a little in the grass, but I don’t think anyone noticed. ("I noticed."-note from The Lady). We all went through the garden gate and shut the door behind us, making sure we were safe. For an old guy he was pretty happy about being let off leash in our yard, and roamed all over exploring everything, sniffing all the raccoons and skunks and possums that congregate by the watering hole (the pool) every night, sniffing all the pets that have lived here before me, sniffing the neighborhood stray cats that sleep in the planters because this yard is safe from the coyotes that will eat them, and of course Earl was sniffing all the smells that I have carefully placed all over the yard, to let everyone know I belong here. I danced circles around Earl as I showed him the side of the house where the spare flowerpots are kept to collect rainwater and leaves to make the most delicious soup. Then I persuaded him to examine the Badlands crawl space under The Lady’s pool house where nothing grows because that area has never seen the light of day. I think Earl especially liked the embankment over the pool deck where My People put lots of Mexican Feather Grass and big rocks with Lemon Thyme tucked in the corners to make it smell nice in the sun. Elizabeth was a little worried Earl might lose his footing on all the rocks and roots, especially since he can’t see very well anymore, but he did just fine. The only problem he encountered was getting stuck backwards between a bench and fence in a space too small to turn around to get out. The Lady helped him by lifting his front paws on the bench and rotating him around so he could walk out frontways. Earl gave her a grateful look with deep dark eyes framed by his Kabuki white eyebrows. Everyone said I was nice because I shared my enormous water dish and offered my toys, even the Fishing Game. After a while Earl had had about enough of me being so excited to finally have a friend, and everyone scolded me when I bit his tail a little. It is so hard to resist, so feathery and soft, and I only bit him a little. I hope Earl comes over to visit again soon. Next time I’ll show him how to rip up the grape fines and run as fast a possible with them through the yard.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Something is up today. Auntie Cynthia came to visit again last night and she’s still here. The Lady spent extra time dusting the furniture and there seems to be more activity in the Dining Room involving the good silver, the collection of mismatched monogrammed napkin rings, and some antique hemstitched linen napkins. Is it Christmas again? Auntie Cynthia has been receiving a lot of instructions about being less exciting so I don’t pee my pants in her presence. She so much fun I just can’t help it! She get me so wound up and crazy that my eyes swirl independently in their sockets and I just lose all control of everything, my mind, my sense, my arms and legs, and the on/off switch in bladder. When I heard that bell ring in the house, this time I knew what it meant… visitors! The Lady went to the front door first and was talking to the visitor, explaining something about my special way of greeting everyone and pointing to his lovely Prada shoes. He was nodding and telling her he understood. Just as they were about to enter the linoleum protected kitchen to meet me, Auntie Cynthia opened the kitchen door that I was hiding behind, holding my breath. Of course I ran out into the living room and of course I peed when I met the tall man named Brett. I missed his shoes but I managed to get the parquet floor and a couple of the fancy little rugs. Auntie Cynthia got in Big Trouble for letting me out because she was supposed to do this one little thing to help train me so I could go visit her someday and not sprinkle anything on the VERY VERY VERY VERY fancy new floors in her house. She explained to The Lady she thought I was asleep and The Lady rolled her eyes and called her a disobedient big sister. Well, I WAS napping before the Visitor Bell rang, but did anyone really think I was going to sleep through the opportunity to meet new people? Seriously. After I met Brett, all four of them had a lovely lunch of homemade butternut squash soup topped with walnuts, parsley and dried cranberries, a salad with chicken and raspberry dressing, and some crème brulee for desert. (The Lady was delighted that her attempt at the desert of creamy goodness turned out so well.) I got plain dogfood and napped in my playpen in the kitchen. After lunch we all went out to the backyard to watch me run around. I must have done a good job since Brett wants to come back and bring Rex. Rex is his wire-hair terrier who looks like Asta from The Thin Man movies, and I can’t wait to meet him. Rex is very worldly and has taken airplane rides to visit his 1834 country mansion on the Ohio River in West Virginia. When he is here in LA, he lives in a loft in downtown LA with a view of the city and a hot tub on the roof, but in West Virginia he has a big yard of 14 acres with horses and snow and everything. I bet he’ll run around the yard with me. Yay! He might even do some digging. I’ll have to show him how easy it is to rip up the agapanthus. Auntie Cynthia, Brett, The Man and The Lady were having a nice chat when suddenly The Lady bolted out the door saying she didn’t realize it was this late and that she had to get to her class where she sits for three hours and draws naked people playing statue in uncomfortable poses.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Even though it has been a month since I have been in their presence, I still have dreams of Evil Steve and his twin sister Wanda. In these dreams, the two Siblings of Satan are chasing me with giant forks and knives. They carry their cutlery like jousting knights, with Wanda’s long curly fingernails twisted around the handles while her cheap high heels click as she runs. I am trying my best to run away, but I’m still too little and keep getting cornered by them, their German Shepherd named Assassin (who once bit one of my sisters) and their popeyed chihuahua named Accomplice. I yip and bark and growl as loud as I can in my sleep, but it just does no good and I know I'm a goner. Eventually they morph into shiny pink and green street racing cars and attempt to mow me down in cold blood, chasing me through the dog park. Wicked Wanda's eyes glow red as she files her teeth in the rear view mirror, opening and closing her mouth like a python. Just as I am about to get run over by Evil Steve I wake up. Sometimes The Lady is petting me gently and whispering my name, but sometimes I just wake up by myself. I wish I could forget them, but I can’t seem to put them out of my mind entirely. I think the silverware part of the dream comes from overhearing My People talk about how some Asian country is importing Saint Bernards, my cousins on my father’s side, for FOOD. Look it up, I’m not lying.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Ok, so I’m starting to get the potty training thing. I’m supposed to pee and poop outside. Ok. Fine. I don’t see anyone else going outside in the middle of the night to poop in the bushes, but fine. What isn’t fine is that is hasn’t stopped pouring rain by the bucketful for at least a week. I know I shouldn’t complain since my house hasn’t washed away or filled up with mud like some other nearby homes, but seriously, there must be some other way to get this taken care of under these circumstances. I agree, it was very nice for The Man to rig up an impromptu cover over part of the grass using last summer’s shade umbrellas. And, I agree that it was nice of him not to get really mad now that one of the umbrellas has been beat to hell and back in the gale force winds. Now most of the wooden spokes have snapped into pieces leaving the canvas to slap around in the wind like abandoned laundry. Perhaps I could be taught to use the same facility as My People? Just a suggestion….
Sunday, January 24, 2010
If they are going to bring logs and sticks (my favorite!) into the house and stash them next to the fireplace, I don’t understand how they can expect me to leave them alone? They tell ME not to bring sticks into the house, but THEY bring sticks into the house. Yet another point of confusion I am supposed to sort out on my own. PS - Today is Auntie Shauna's Birthday!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
When I ran from my CAGE to The Lady’s side of the bed to shower her with good morning kisses, she scooped me up into the bed for a quick cuddle. This is the first time I’ve been allowed on the bed and it was heavenly! I did see something curious though. Hanging from the lightswitch on her excessively tall bedside lamp is a chain with a little metal tag that says OLIVER. The mysterious Oliver, yet again. Who is Oliver?
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
I have noticed that sometimes I do not receive treats in exchange for behavioral requests, yet I’m expected to do what they ask every single time, regardless. I'm not sure I like this arrangement, so I'm not sure I'm going to do anything they ask anymore. I’ll let you know what I decide.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
When I am very tired, one of my eyes drifts a little off center. My People feel that it’s ok to discuss the freely. I’m sure they wouldn’t appreciate it if I sat around and talked openly about all of their physical defects and shortcomings.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
The Man, The Lady, The Boy and I went to a park today. This was the most perfect Sunday morning. I was asked to get into the car, and of course I assumed I was going to the hospital or being returned to Evil Steve and Wicked Wanda, Siblings of Satan, but instead we went to Eagle Rock Recreation Center Park. The Man and The Boy brought a football and The Lady and I chased it back and forth between them. She was laughing, but I think this activity is new to her, as evidenced by her stumbling and general slowness. After a while of this silliness, The Man said I could remove my leash since no one was around and we were in a secluded area. It was wonderful! I ran back and forth in the soft grass between everyone and we had such fun. The Man brought the special little spongy frisbee with the hole in the center that I can pick up by myself and that was the best. The football is a little unwieldy and doen't fit very well in my mouth. I have a very big mouth, but not quite that large, at least not yet. Perhaps it will be easier when I get bigger teeth. We couldn’t have asked for better weather in January with a view of the ocean on one side, mountains covered with snow to our backs, and golden sunshine shining from above. Because it was so nice and warm outside we stayed for a long time. Eventually two enormous families showed up for a picnic, so out of respect for their food, we went home. There was some discussion about how I might knock down toddlers for their hot dogs. I was pretty tired anyway, so it was time to leave. What an excellent day!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Apparently I’m not supposed to gobble my food. At first I was so happy to have my very own bowl of food, just for me and me alone, that I couldn’t believe it and tried to eat everything as fast as possible, just in case a hungry someone was sneaking up behind me, planning to steal my lunch. From the reaction of My People, especially The Man, I am not supposed to eat with such enthusiasm. The Lady keeps telling me to chew my food, but I don’t listen because if I waste the time to chew it, then someone might steal it. Duh! Besides, I still don’t have much by way of teeth. To slow me down she tried feeding me on a cookie tray, but I discovered I have an extra-large size tongue that is covered with excess sticky material, being that i am half Saint Bernard, and I am able to just whisk my tongue over the cookie tray and it works like flypaper. Instead of congratulating me on my talent and ingenuity and efficiency, she was not pleased, saying something about how I was going to choke to death. She also added that it was possible I might slurp up the bowl and all on accident and they’d have to have it surgically removed from my gizzard. The Man is now concocting elaborate games involving holding my bowl of food over my head then making me LOOK him in the eye, SIT still without trembling, LEAVE IT alone, even though my dish is positively HOWLING my name, and WAIT FOREVER until he tells me it is OK to start eating, FINALLY. This is very difficult for me and really takes the enjoyment out of mealtime. I’ve noticed no one hold his dish over his head and makes such ridiculous demands at his dinnertime. He gets a nicely pressed linen napkin.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
I’ve learned to growl and find it quite useful. Apparently I have quite an impressive growl for one so little. I will have to practice this a lot, as I can see advantages, particularly when I am sleeping and The Lady makes me wake up to go outside.
Monday, January 11, 2010
My new favorite taste treat is old leaves steeped in rainwater, preferably in a flowerpot thick with mulch. The rainwater creates such an interesting sauce with these ingredients! O The aroma! Apparently I am not supposed to enjoy anything not found in my official dish located inside the house, so I have to be sneaky about indulging. Fortunately for me, we have very lazy gardeners who just Mow, Blow, and Go, and are particularly careless in the side yard where The Lady stores her extra planting supplies. This remote and infrequently visited quadrant of the yard has quite a buildup of ancient and exotically seasoned leaves, offering a regular smorgasbord of this menu item. i just have to plan my visits to the buffet when they aren't paying attention, which isn't very often. Occasionally I can slip around the side of the house in the dark when they think I've gone out to use the grass and have a quick slurp. Do you think they would believe me if I told them I'm stepping out for a moment to smoke?
No, probably not.