Thursday, January 14, 2010

Gobble Gobble Gobble

Apparently I’m not supposed to gobble my food. At first I was so happy to have my very own bowl of food, just for me and me alone, that I couldn’t believe it and tried to eat everything as fast as possible, just in case a hungry someone was sneaking up behind me, planning to steal my lunch. From the reaction of My People, especially The Man, I am not supposed to eat with such enthusiasm. The Lady keeps telling me to chew my food, but I don’t listen because if I waste the time to chew it, then someone might steal it. Duh! Besides, I still don’t have much by way of teeth. To slow me down she tried feeding me on a cookie tray, but I discovered I have an extra-large size tongue that is covered with excess sticky material, being that i am half Saint Bernard, and I am able to just whisk my tongue over the cookie tray and it works like flypaper. Instead of congratulating me on my talent and ingenuity and efficiency, she was not pleased, saying something about how I was going to choke to death. She also added that it was possible I might slurp up the bowl and all on accident and they’d have to have it surgically removed from my gizzard. The Man is now concocting elaborate games involving holding my bowl of food over my head then making me LOOK him in the eye, SIT still without trembling, LEAVE IT alone, even though my dish is positively HOWLING my name, and WAIT FOREVER until he tells me it is OK to start eating, FINALLY. This is very difficult for me and really takes the enjoyment out of mealtime. I’ve noticed no one hold his dish over his head and makes such ridiculous demands at his dinnertime. He gets a nicely pressed linen napkin.


  1. OMG! It's a horse!! Not you, Craig. :)

  2. boscoe used to gulp his food, and then he would get very gassy and fart like a lord.

    so the vet suggested we put a tennis ball in his food to slow him down; he'd have to push the tennis ball out of the way to get at the kibble underneath.

    so we did that. we put his food in the bowl, and we put the tennis ball on top, and we set it down in front of him and he gave his bowl a long look and then he gave us al ong look and then he turned back to the bowl, opened his mouth, lifted it out the tennis ball, spat it onto the floor, and proceeded to inhale his food. and fart like a lord.

  3. Hilarious! Harbor generates such powerful stinkies we're going to have to repaint the interior of the house and rip up the carpets. Seriously, if he makes a bad smell while he is sitting on my lap in the car, I have to go home and shower. Dreadful.